Mom, I'm Getting Married

Lil' Charlie is such a ladies man. When I picked him up from school today, he informed me that he was getting married. Here is how he broke the news:

Charlie: Mom, my best friend said she is going to marry me.

Mom: Oh?

Charlie: Yep... (.....long pause...) If I marry her, then she will have to live at our house with us.

Mom: Really? Where will she sleep?

Charlie: (....long thoughtful pause...) I think we can make my room a little bigger and then she can sleep on the top bunk. She might have to bring her clothes. (...another thoughtful pause...) but we won't get married until I'm, like, 60, and that will take, like, a WHOLE YEAR.

Mom: hmmmm. What about Erin?

Charlie: Well, I still love Erin, but if I marry my best friend, Jessica.... (to himself: Jessica? Is that her name?) ....yes, Jessica, then, well, you can't marry another person, too.

Mom: You're right....(...short pause...) Will you have any kids?

Charlie: (with a funny look on his face....thoughtful pause....then laughter) No, silly...boys don't have babies...GIRLS do!!

Mom: Oh, yeah...that's right.

Charlie: If we get married, since I'm a boy then I'll be the dad, and since she's a girl, she will be the mom...but she'll only be able to grow one baby.

Mom: Just one? How come?

Charlie: How did you grow two? Sissy AND Me?

Mom: Well, first I grew Sissy, and then when she was 9 years old, I grew you!

Charlie: hmmmmmm (....more thoughtful pause...)

Mom: So do you think she's a good person to marry?

Charlie: Oh yeah... (...stars twinkling in his eyes as he stares out the window...)

Mom: Really? How do you know that she's a good person to marry?

Charlie: (without pause) Because she's cute and nice and she says she wants to marry me.

Mom: Well, then, will you be getting a house of your own to live in with your new family?

Charlie: (again, without pause) Oh, no. Then we couldn't live with you guys.

Mom: (awwwww! I love this kid!!)

Charlie: I have to pee. When will we be home?

Strong Ducks

So, we're packing. Heading up to Indiana tomorrow so see a couple of close friends tie the knot. I'm stressed. So much to pack and so little time. Do you know how many times Charlie says "Mama?" in one day? Nobody does. It's like the "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" No one will ever know, but you know it's a really big number, and it's directly correlated with the number of items on my to-do list. My sister did a mini-test and counted one day and I believe it was somewhere around the 25 times in 15 minutes range.

I go to pull out a suitcase so I can get Lil' Charlie packed and of course, he's right up my proverbial butt...like he is every day that I have a million things to finish. Don't get me wrong...he's the apple of my eye, but mama's in a mood right now.

As I'm pulling the suitcase out, I realize that the handle is broken, but is still attached by a fairly strong piece of rubber. What is the obvious thing that would come to mind? Duct Tape. When I tell Charlie I'm going to go to the garage ALONE to get the duct tape (I cherished those 30 seconds), he says, "What? Duct Tape? Bahahahahahahahah,"

I'm confused and ask, "What's so funny?"

His reply, " Duct Tape? ...(and even more dramatically to emphasize his joke attempt)... Duct??? Tape???"

Desperately yearning for those 30 beautiful seconds of silence, I give Lil Charlie a confused look, take a deep breath and turn around to go get the duct tape. Ahhhhhhh....even the 120 degree heat wasn't enough to bring me down.

I walk back into the living room and sit next to Lil Charlie and start taping the handle. No time to shop for a new suitcase. "Mama?" says Lil Charlie, "Duct tape is really really strong. It can fix anything...(he rattled off a few items that he has witnessed being duct-taped)..."

"They shouldn't call this Duct Tape."

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because Ducks aren't strong. They should call it Dinosaur Tape."