George Washington vs. Abraham Lincoln

MOM: So what did you learn about today, Charlie?
CHARLIE: We learned about Presidents.
MOM: Really? Which ones?
CHARLIE: Well, just two. George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.
MOM: WOW! What about them?
CHARLIE: And did you know that George Washington only got ONE thing and Abraham Lincoln got THREE???
MOM: Like what?
CHARLIE: Well, George Washington only got the White House and Abraham Lincoln got the White House, the Statue inside another house, AND he got shot in the head.
MOM: So, what ELSE did you learn about today?

The Sales Pitch

The other night, I had Lil Charlie in the big bathtub in my bedroom and I was walking in and out doing chores and putting clothes away. Every 2 minutes, he would yell out a demand like, "Mama - bring me ______!!!" or, "Mama - Come wash my hair!!!!" or, "Mama - Bring me a towel!!!"

I finally addressed his tone of voice and rude way of "asking" for things by saying, "Can you please re-phrase that demand into a question and somehow work the word 'please' into the question?"

So he did. "Mama, can you PLEASE get me a towel."

So, sarcastically, I exaggerated, "Of COURSE I will, honey...HERE you go. THANK YOU for saying PLEASE!!!"

He stared at me for a minute, obviously planning his next move. I squinted my eyes, knowing that I was going to get my next blog post out of this one...and sure enough, he says, in the sweetest, most respectful tone I've ever heard from him, "Mama?"

"Yes, Charlie?"

"May I PLEASE have that $20 dollar bill that's sticking out of your pocket?"

BAHAHAHAHahahahaha! I laughed out loud...literally... gotta give him credit.

The Moo-Stash is BBAAAaaaaacckk

So I get a text from Lil Charlie's Pre-K teacher and of course my first thought is "WHAT's he done now?"

I open the text message and there's a photo and a message that says, "Return of the mustashe...so we were practicing onstage and the next thing we know, he whips this out of his pocket!!!!! LOL"

What a HAM! I love this kid.

"Moo-STA-she-o" is his character name.

He has had this gum-ball prize for 3 months now and keeps making me re-apply tape so that it sticks. He transforms into little man when he wears it...falls right into character.

Lil Charlie lost his first tooth

May 7th, 2010
Dade City Drive-In
Iron-Man 2
With Mama, Daddy, Sissy, Julie Wayne, Daniel, David, Jenna, Torey and Drew

Eating Nachos.

Wedding is Back On

I am happy to announce that Lil' Charlie's Pre-K Engagement to Jessica is back on. She kissed him 4 times today and told her teachers, "Um, excuse me. You know what? I LOVE Charlie. I'm going to marry him."

Stand by for updates of all of the juicy details.

Knock-Knock.......Who's There?.......Joe.......Joe Who?..........Joe Mama...Bahaahahahahaha

Two days after listening to his Sissy and Daddy have a 30 minute long "What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...." joke-fest, we're in the car driving around town and he decides to try out his own version of the joke. Here's how it went down:

Lil Charlie: "Hey Mama..."
Mama: "Yes Charlie?"
Lil Charlie: "What do you call a guy with no legs who is floating in the pool?"
Mama: (thinking to myself, should I correct it, or just let it go???), "What?" (Giving him the opportunity to correct himself...)
Lil Charlie: "What do you call a guy with no legs who is floating in the pool?"
Mama: "Don't you mean 'a guy with no arms and no legs?'"
Lil Charlie: "No, I said a guy with no legs."
Mama: "Ok...sorry - go ahead"
Lil Charlie: "What do you call a guy with no legs who is floating in the pool?"
Mama: "I don't know...what?"
Lil Charlie: "Bob"
Mama: "I thought it was a guy with no arms AND no legs."
Lil Charlie: "No, Mama. This is 'Bob' from Monsters and Aliens. He has arms.....just no legs."
Mama: I busted out laughing. Not because I felt bad for him, but because I knew that he had spent 2 days thinking that one up, and it was pretty good.

Baseball vs. Theater Classes .... Mom made a bad choice.

By the way - There was never a ball withing 30 feet of him.

If he was looking up, it was just into the night sky.
If he was looking to the left, it was just at his coach.
If he had a glove on his head, he was just being "Charlie."

Christmas Gift Peeker

Let me preface this post by clarifying the fact that in any normal circumstance, trying to get Lil' Charlie to help bring in the groceries is like pulling teeth from from the head of someone who suffers from odontophobia.

Here is how my day started: Woke, drove Lil' Charlie to school in Zephyrhills, headed over to New Tampa Credit Union and Regions Bank, then back to Zephyrhills to finish Christmas & grocery shopping, and finally picked up Lil' Charlie at 11:30am from school and then headed back home.

When I pulled into his school, I made sure to cover all of his Christmas gifts with other grocery bags and such. Well, eight left and right turns later, we pull into the garage and Lil' Charlie jumps out of his seat and heads RIGHT FOR THE LEGO BIONICLE that I got him for Christmas. I blurt out "eh eh eh eh eh eh...WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" His eyes cut over to me and said, "Nothing."

Hmmmm. I wasn't convinced, but gave him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he didn't see it. Ha.

When Lil' Charlie got into the house, I dropped my first load of groceries and headed back to the garage. Normally, he would already have the remote in-hand and Spongebob on-screen. Today was different. He followed me back out to the garage and insisted on helping me carry in the "light" bags. When I told him I didn't have any light bags today, he went back inside and waited for me, and then followed me out for my third trip...again, insisting to help me carry in groceries.

OK, the cliche, "Who are you and what have you done with my son" came to mind, but then I remembered the Bionicle that he may have seen. So, I mentioned that I had bought Sierra some Christmas gifts and told him that I would have to close my bedroom door to wrap them. He asked if he could hide in my room, on my bed, under the blanket... while I wrapped Sierra's gifts.

Busted. Just to clarify...I asked him if he had seen anything interesting in the car (3 times, altogether) ...and he said no...each time.

Here is a little how the conversation went:

Lil Charlie: Mama - Can I hide under the blanket on your bed while you wrap Sierra's presents?

Mama: No, why?

Lil Charlie: I dunno...I won't peek. Then I'll stay here while you wrap mine.

Mama: (a-Ha! ) So, Charlie, did you see something interesting in my car?

Lil Charlie: Nope.

Mama: Are you sure? You didn't see anything in my car??

Lil Charlie: Nope. I promise I won't peek. You can wrap Sissy's then mine.

Mama: But I didn't buy you anything.

Lil Charlie: (eerie, awkward silence....considering his options, I would assume.)

Mama: So, no - you can't stay in here either way. I didn't buy you anything anyways, but I don't want you to see Sierra's gifts because you'll tell her.

Lil Charlie: No I won't... I won't remember what you get her, I PROMISE!! And if I see my present, I won't remember THAT EITHER...

Mama: (Silence...waiting for my last statements to sink into his little brain..........................wait for it.......................)

Lil Charlie: WHAT???? You didn't buy ME anything???

Mama: Nope. (Clearly, I knew that he had seen the Bionicle by this point.)

Lil Charlie: But who is the BIONICLE for???

Mama: (Head cocked to the side, reflecting a "sarcastically confused, smug "you're busted" poker face" look.) "Really?"

Lil Charlie: (deep breath out as he scrambled for an answer.) But I didn't SEE the Bionicle...just the "B - I - O - N"

Lil Charlie: (Silence again....Check Mate. He'd been had, and he knew it. His mother is so smart...you would think that he would be used to it by now.) His left eye squinted a little as the wheels started churning in his little head.

Well, needless to say, I had to nip this little lying-thing in the bud. This is the 5th time in a month that he has blatantly lied straight to my face...without blinking, batting an eye or looking away. Scary, really... so I sent him to his room for 5 minutes. He knows what a lie is. He can define it and give you an example of someone who is telling a lie, and yet he continues to do it.

If you have any experience or guidance in this department, please share...I'm at my wit's end!!

Love, Mom.

Pre-K Casanova

Outta Gas

Mom: Charlie, I have to turn the air off and roll down the windows.

Lil Charlie: But why? My feet are hot.

Mom: Because my car's on "E" and I need to make it to the gas station.

Lil Charlie: It's not on "E".... we're still moving.

The Marriage is Off

Oh, dear.

Two heartbreaks in 2 months...what's a mom to do? I picked Lil Charlie up from school today and he was in a mood. Lots of sighs and moans. I knew I was in for my next blog post.

Mom: So What's the matter, honey? Are you OK?

Charlie: No. (combination moan & sigh) Remember my friend? She said she's not going to marry me now.

Mom: Oh, No! What happened?

Charlie: I don't know (groan)

Mom: Did you ask her again, or did she just tell you out of the blue?

Charlie: She just told me. (layed his head down on his folded arms)

Mom: So is she going to marry someone else now?

Charlie: No. I don't know. She just said she wasn't going to marry me now. I'm so mad!!

Mom: Maybe you can pick some flowers for her or give her a present. Is she mad at you?

Charlie: (In thought about what he could possibly do) What could we give her?

Mom: I don't know. Something a girl would like.

Charlie: I don't have any girl toys.

Mom: What about that pink cat you got from Sissy. The one Chesney likes.

Charlie: Oh No!! That's a Neo-Pet. That's SPECIAL!!

Mom: (Quickly seeing that a stuffed cat holds his heart more than this little girl ever could) Maybe draw her a picture with girl stuff.

Charlie: Like what?

Mom: Maybe a flower, or a butterfly? A rainbow.....a....

Charlie: A rainbow. But I don't know how to draw a rainbow. Will you help me?

Mom: Sure I will.

Charlie: Can I have my tattoo? (He found it earlier that morning on the floorboard)

Mom: Sure, here you go.

Charlie: Maybe we can get her a Cars tattoo? And you know how they have lots of them on the page? Then I could keep the rest.

Mom: (Wow - how quickly he is getting over his crush) We'll see (In the house now)

Charlie: (Throws himself on the couch, face first)

Mom: What's the matter, honey? (Giving him a big bear hug) I still love you. She's crazy not to want to marry you.

Charlie: (Defensively insists) NO SHE'S NOT. SHE'S NOT CRAZY.....I'm hungry - Can you make me some lunch?

Stand by for more of "As the Pre-K World Turns"

Mom, I'm Getting Married

Lil' Charlie is such a ladies man. When I picked him up from school today, he informed me that he was getting married. Here is how he broke the news:

Charlie: Mom, my best friend said she is going to marry me.

Mom: Oh?

Charlie: Yep... (.....long pause...) If I marry her, then she will have to live at our house with us.

Mom: Really? Where will she sleep?

Charlie: (....long thoughtful pause...) I think we can make my room a little bigger and then she can sleep on the top bunk. She might have to bring her clothes. (...another thoughtful pause...) but we won't get married until I'm, like, 60, and that will take, like, a WHOLE YEAR.

Mom: hmmmm. What about Erin?

Charlie: Well, I still love Erin, but if I marry my best friend, Jessica.... (to himself: Jessica? Is that her name?) ....yes, Jessica, then, well, you can't marry another person, too.

Mom: You're right....(...short pause...) Will you have any kids?

Charlie: (with a funny look on his face....thoughtful pause....then laughter) No, silly...boys don't have babies...GIRLS do!!

Mom: Oh, yeah...that's right.

Charlie: If we get married, since I'm a boy then I'll be the dad, and since she's a girl, she will be the mom...but she'll only be able to grow one baby.

Mom: Just one? How come?

Charlie: How did you grow two? Sissy AND Me?

Mom: Well, first I grew Sissy, and then when she was 9 years old, I grew you!

Charlie: hmmmmmm (....more thoughtful pause...)

Mom: So do you think she's a good person to marry?

Charlie: Oh yeah... (...stars twinkling in his eyes as he stares out the window...)

Mom: Really? How do you know that she's a good person to marry?

Charlie: (without pause) Because she's cute and nice and she says she wants to marry me.

Mom: Well, then, will you be getting a house of your own to live in with your new family?

Charlie: (again, without pause) Oh, no. Then we couldn't live with you guys.

Mom: (awwwww! I love this kid!!)

Charlie: I have to pee. When will we be home?

Strong Ducks

So, we're packing. Heading up to Indiana tomorrow so see a couple of close friends tie the knot. I'm stressed. So much to pack and so little time. Do you know how many times Charlie says "Mama?" in one day? Nobody does. It's like the "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" No one will ever know, but you know it's a really big number, and it's directly correlated with the number of items on my to-do list. My sister did a mini-test and counted one day and I believe it was somewhere around the 25 times in 15 minutes range.

I go to pull out a suitcase so I can get Lil' Charlie packed and of course, he's right up my proverbial butt...like he is every day that I have a million things to finish. Don't get me wrong...he's the apple of my eye, but mama's in a mood right now.

As I'm pulling the suitcase out, I realize that the handle is broken, but is still attached by a fairly strong piece of rubber. What is the obvious thing that would come to mind? Duct Tape. When I tell Charlie I'm going to go to the garage ALONE to get the duct tape (I cherished those 30 seconds), he says, "What? Duct Tape? Bahahahahahahahah,"

I'm confused and ask, "What's so funny?"

His reply, " Duct Tape? ...(and even more dramatically to emphasize his joke attempt)... Duct??? Tape???"

Desperately yearning for those 30 beautiful seconds of silence, I give Lil Charlie a confused look, take a deep breath and turn around to go get the duct tape. Ahhhhhhh....even the 120 degree heat wasn't enough to bring me down.

I walk back into the living room and sit next to Lil Charlie and start taping the handle. No time to shop for a new suitcase. "Mama?" says Lil Charlie, "Duct tape is really really strong. It can fix anything...(he rattled off a few items that he has witnessed being duct-taped)..."

"They shouldn't call this Duct Tape."

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because Ducks aren't strong. They should call it Dinosaur Tape."

Ouch...ouch...ouch...ouch....ouch....<>> OMG - THIS FREAKING HURTS!!!

Charlie got his first flu shot today. He was screaming and throwing his arms in the air and letting his entire body turn to jello. Good times. It was a complete nightmare. I kept repeating...,"Charlie - it will only hurt for a second - I promise..." "it will only hurt for a second - I promise... " "it will only hurt for a second - I promise..."

He couldn't have cared less and payed me no attention...he was PISSED!!

This evening, while Charlie was in our bath. I turned quickly to change the TV channel and caught my shin on the wood that surrounds our platform bed....can you say, "*&*&$#% $#%$#% $$*&*( #&$ *(&%$#$?"

I did.

Then I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed...like I haven't cried in a LONG LONG time!! After a few minutes of gasping for air, I was finally able to suck in my tears and call Sierra in to get me a bag of ice.

Guess what Charlie said.

Yep. Over and Over and Over and Over.

I'm not even going to type it.

Lizard in the House

This won't be one of my normal posts, because Charlie didn't say anything astounding today, however, I am still in awe of him. There has been a lizard living in his room for at least 3 days now. I first saw the lizard on Friday morning. I thought for sure the poor little guy would be dead by sundown....but I was WRONG. Now, don't be mistaken. I used to hang lizards from my ear lobes and try to shoot them with homemade darts blown through a straw. I'm just a little older, a little slower and I bruise easier, so I wasn't able to catch him without bruising my legs or throwing my back out.

This story isn't about the lizard, but now that I have your attention.... I finally caught the little *&#^$& today , but only because he's been without food or water for at least 3 days and he was too slow for big bad mama. (Wow - that sounds sad when you put it into words.)

Anyhoo...in my efforts to catch the sickly lizard so that he wouldn't die a slow, lonely death, I completely destroyed Lil Charlie's room in order to catch him. Chests and toy boxes turned on their sides, every toy in his room piled onto his bed; the whole 9 yards.

When Lil Charlie and Dad got back from the driving range, Lil Charlie helped me for 2 hours as I put his room back together...lego by lego, truck by truck, gun by gun....he didn't miss a beat. Secondly, when we were finished, he hugged and kissed me and told me how he loved everything that I did in his room (which included a little re-arranging). Totally worth the bruises and 3 hours I invested in catching that damn lizard and cleaning his room.

Here is where I became totally in awe of Charlie and realized that I have totally underestimated his intelligence. If you could imagine a child with an obnoxious number of Lego and Star Wars toys...that is Charlie. I can't help myself. I'll buy him a huge Lego project and he will sit completely focused for HOURS until he's finished, or until I drag him to bed kicking and screaming. Literally, he sat at my sisters for 7 hours straight (with lunch and potty breaks) to finish a vehicle that was labeled for 8-10 year olds. Charlie's only 5yrs old. He refused to do anything else until he was finished.

I didn't realize the level of his Lego/Star Wars fascination until we were cleaning his room and I would pick up a random piece of plastic, in the shape of a gun, a Lego piece, or any other random shape, and he would tell me exactly which Lego project or Star Wars toy it went with..and then be able to locate said project or toy within seconds. This went on for 2 hours. I started to test him...and he nailed it every time. There wasn't one little piece of plastic in his room that he didn't know where it belonged.

The icing on the cake was the last little piece of plastic that I picked up. It was a teenie tiny gun. He has over 50 of what appear to me to be the exact same gun, however he was able to tell me exactly who it belonged to and where that person-toy was. Boba Fett. Star Wars. Lego Box. Living Room.

His mind is organized chaos...brilliant, I tell you...just brilliant.

Seasons Change

Today is the first day of Fall, 2009. It's 90 degrees outside. Florida.

I pull through the kid pick-up line at 12:15 and Charlie jumps into the car. He obviously had a great day at Pre-K. On our way home, Charlie asks, "Mom - Did you know that the season changed today?"

So, I answered, "Yes, Daddy told me."

Charlie then asked me if I knew HOW the season's changed.

I said, "No...How DO they change?"

Charlie replied, "My teacher just took a card from the back and put it in the front. Then it was Fall."

His teacher is pretty awesome.

The Lesson in Giving

Today, Charlie asked for a new toy. Again. In the past 12 days, he has received 3 new toys...one from each grandmother and one from his Aunt Carol...she's just a sucker.

So, in an effort to teach him a lesson about charity, we dragged his two big bins of toys out into the living room and separated them into "Keep" and "Give Away" piles. When we were through sorting all of the toys, the "Give Away" pile was much larger than I had expected, so I gave Lil Charlie a big hug and said, "some little boy who doesn't have many toys is going to be SO HAPPY to get your old toys."

Lil Charlie quickly stood up and corrected me and said, "Oh, no, Mama, I'm going to give half of my toys to my dad's Meme and the other half to your Meme (Grandmothers) because they don't have good toys at their houses."

That was his charity. He is totally and completely my husband's child. Thank God he has my good looks! :o)

Birthdays Only Come Once A Year

Lil Charlie asked me when his birthday will be again, so I started counting the months out loud and finally ended on August.

LIL CHARLIE: "August? WHAT? It's going to be in AUGUST??? AGAIN????

He's... a freakin' comedian...I can't get over it.

Broken Hands

In thinking that Charlie will one day find the love of his life and marry her, I feel it is my duty as a woman to raise a polite, respectable man. On our way to school this morning, I stood patiently at the door and asked him to "Please open the door for the lady."

His response: "What, are your hands broken?"

Really?

Beautiful Girls

Lil Charlie says to me in the car on the way home from school,

"Mom... I have 2 girlfriends..........and I really love them....... because they are SO beautiful."

Chicken Arms

Lil Charlie: "When I lick my arm, it tastes like chicken."

Mom to Dad: "There's my next Blurb Post."

Dad to Mom (as he whips out his crackberry), "Not if I post it first."

Crackhead!

Pretty Girls

Lil Charlie says, "I made a new friend today. She's a girl.........and she's preeetttttty. Really pretty."

Butt-Smackin'

Me: "(Lil') Charlie...What did I tell you about hitting people?"

Lil' Charlie: "I wasn't hitting you. I was high-fiving your butt."

Me: (Taking a deep breath) "................................"

(I got nothin')